The Round Table

Choosing a path always felt very easy for me. I’d like to think I make many decisions very easily, no matter how big or small. When it came to choosing what flavor of ice cream, chocolate! How bout picking a career? I like business so now I’m an accountant (career changed after accounting 101). What about picking a college? I chose the one closest to me. Throughout the 22 years of my life I’ve always been able to make a decision very easily. This process or lack of process has helped keep me motivated through my whole life. It felt like whenever I completed high school, I went right to college, after college it goes to grad school, and after grad school it goes, goes, and goes……For the first time in my life it felt like the arrow that always pointed straight is now spinning in circles. The only choice I want to make is going backwards, going back to the part of my life where everything was simple. 

One of my favorite 30 second toys was always the kaleidoscope. Growing up it felt like one of the coolest toys for about 30 seconds until my mom would just throw it away. If someone doesn’t know, a kaleidoscope is this small toy with an eyeglass. You’d look into the eyeglass and see a brightly colored image, at the end of the eyeglass was a twisty knob which when you would twist it, the brightly colored image would change. Each image shown would have small “shards” that would change every time you twisted the know. When I look into my future or begin to think of my five year plan, every day it changes just like a kaleidoscope. Whenever I look into my future it’s constantly changing. With all these changes in my future I can’t help but feel this overwhelming feeling of stress. Feeling lost in a career or lost in life seems to be a universal experience for young people. I recently was talking to one of my best friends from high school discussing our lives. My friend has lived all over the southern U.S. and has lived in more states than I’ve been to. He’s also had the opportunity to live in Germany for a year and got to travel across Europe. He is currently in the U.S Air force and has completed training to become a nurse. He is starting his nursing career, is in phenomenal shape, and has the opportunity to travel across the world. What more could someone want? Well at least that’s what I thought. It seemed like my friend had everything he could’ve wanted and I couldn’t be more jealous. 

Telling him about my life right now seemed boring to me. I have a stable job at a decent sized company, I’m completing the final year of my master’s program, looking into doctorate programs/law school, finally I got to move into a new apartment with the love of my life. This mundane last year and a half (except for the love of my life part) seemed to have been a waste. Comparing what I’ve done in the last four years of my life versus Mr. Worldwide made me feel empty and unfulfilled. For some reason though Mr. Worldwide seemed to want what I had. He was jealous I had a stable partner, excited for me that I was looking into more education, and liked the stability that I had in my life. Living on base seemed to have many more restrictions than civilian life and I had no issues rubbing this in. Hearing him talk about what I had helped me appreciate it so much more. 

“Comparison is the thief of joy” is a quote I heard in high school and didn’t really care about until a few weeks ago. Looking at what my peers had and what I didn’t left a hole in my heart. The last few weeks have been either rash decisions or daydreaming about my favorite what ifs? After speaking with Mr. Worldwide I realized just how much that quote meant. Both of us were jealous of what the other had and where they were in life. It felt almost jarring to come to this realization. It took me by surprise to think that someone else would want the life I have right now. 

My shower thoughts have become dreaming about my potential future as CFO, Lawyer, Grad Student, Professor, business owner, Head of HR, or whatever imaginary title I had of that time. With my future changing like the socks on my feet, I can’t even imagine committing to one of these paths. This has been the biggest stressor of my life, it makes it where I can barely sleep and I struggle to stay motivated. When looking at each of these futures, two constants always remain. One of them being me and the other being my partner. No matter what path I go down, I want it to be with them. I want to be surrounded by my family, I want to live with my amazing partner, and I want to be happy. 

It seems like all goal setting needs to be based on some sort of physical metric. Even throughout college if someone was accomplished it came from what degree they had, how much money they made, or what title they have at their new company. Having the confidence to know that no matter what career choices I make I will eventually find happiness through my partner, family, friends, and myself makes everything much easier. The overwhelming stress begins to fade because it is just temporary.

 When I begin to think about futures where my end goals are based on personal accomplishments everything becomes clear. The kaleidoscope turns into a beautiful picture. The picture of a happy person surrounded by their family and friends. A picture I truly believe I can get to no matter what career path I go down. Realizing that the path might not be easy or that I don’t get to every stop I want to, becomes that much easier when I know all paths lead to the same place.

I want to close this post by talking a bit about my personal hero, my Dad. My dad has helped shape me into the person I am today more than anyone. We call each other almost everyday talking about family, sports, my brother, career, bosses, annoying coworkers, and whatever business idea the other one has. Comparing myself to where my dad is now feels like no matter what I do I will never reach his level of success. He has a great job where he can help support multiple kids and my mom. He’s well respected in our community and a role model for many, and most importantly loving family and friends. After complaining to my dad for the 25th time this week about having no direction in life. In a unique turn with my dad he got vulnerable with me.

We started talking about his path to where he is today and it was definitely not easy for him. In college he was going to be a nurse and after getting all the way to his final semester of his senior year he realized being a nurse wasn’t for him. Working at a call center and going to school it became clear that his passion was in the business world and not in nursing. Coming from a family where going to college was unheard of getting a degree and not using it was out of the question. Near the end of his graduation date his father (my grandfather) went to visit him for pizza and drinks. My father confided in my grandfather about not continuing down the path of nursing. The conversation couldn’t have gone worse. My grandfather was a blue collar worker who never had the opportunity to attend college. His body was destroyed trying to put food on the table and working hard was his pride. By refusing to pursue a career in nursing my dad had not only wasted four years of his life but also wasted four years he could have been working. My grandfather told my dad very nicely (It wasn’t nice) just how he felt about my dad wasting four years of his life and taking on tons of debt. He failed not only himself but he failed our family, failed my mom (gf at the time), and failed his three younger siblings. 

After being crushed by my grandfather my dad ended up going down the business path and finding his happy place. He loves to work and couldn’t be happier in his current position. If he would have chosen to continue down the path of nursing he would have been miserable in life. Hearing my dad talk about how he strayed away from his college degree and his perfect plan at 21 didn’t end up coming true made me feel much better. Hearing that he still found success even after going against the grain helps put things into perspective. My perfect plan I made at 20 isn’t going to come true and that’s ok. I’m going to end this article with a quote that I think fits the theme of this blog.  “We’re not in the business of living in the past. We’re in the business of making progress.”